Today it has been exactly two months since you left. While I can't say that you're absence has been particularly beneficial for my mental health, I know that it has been doing you some good. Last time you left, you were gone for two months. Then finally you returned. This time however, instead of eagerly awaiting your return and driving off to the airport to pick you up, you aren't coming home. I mean, I know that when we drove you to the airport you wouldn't come back for quite some time but it never really sunk in. I mean you did this before and you were back after two months. Two months has passed and STILL you're not back so i guess the only thing left to do is accept the fact that maybe I will have to live with the thought of you not being here.
It will be incredibly hard to live each day without your loud voice and odd personality. The thing is, I never really understood how long three years was. I mean I knew I cried like crazy when you left but now that I think about it, in three years time, I'm going to be in year 12. In three years time, a lot of things will be different and it kills me to know that you won't be here to witness them. You won't be here jam with, be driven by (;P), talk to or even see. To make matters worse, I have now taken to doing my hw in your room just because its less distracting. It does more than that though.
Every afternoon, starting from today, I am going to have to walk into your room and see that it is being unoccupied. Every detail gets registered. The fact that the bed is made. The wardrobe and desk empty. The walls bare and the absence of you. Every time I see it, I can't help but miss you a little more, a.p.p.r.e.c.i.a.t.e you more and remember every moment I spent with you. The moments we shared have made it even harder to let go of the past and try to live a normal life without you. Despite all that, I don't want to forget you or get used to your absence because then I will have nothing to remember you by and it seems that the only things I have left of you ARE those memories. So you know what? I'm just going to keep waiting patiently and I'm going to convince myself that this IS the best. Cause it is. You are happy and its for you...
As I am writing this blog, i have emphasised the fact moreso than was necessary and have resorted to talking to my awesome older brother who has filled in your position while you were away(im sorry). I've been left with nothing more than my thoughts that make me sad, the photos that make me teary and songs that make me reminisce. For the duration of your absence, I've waited and waited for some hint of your return. Whether permanent or temporary.
You aren't coming back for a while.
It will be incredibly hard to live each day without your loud voice and odd personality. The thing is, I never really understood how long three years was. I mean I knew I cried like crazy when you left but now that I think about it, in three years time, I'm going to be in year 12. In three years time, a lot of things will be different and it kills me to know that you won't be here to witness them. You won't be here jam with, be driven by (;P), talk to or even see. To make matters worse, I have now taken to doing my hw in your room just because its less distracting. It does more than that though.
Every afternoon, starting from today, I am going to have to walk into your room and see that it is being unoccupied. Every detail gets registered. The fact that the bed is made. The wardrobe and desk empty. The walls bare and the absence of you. Every time I see it, I can't help but miss you a little more, a.p.p.r.e.c.i.a.t.e you more and remember every moment I spent with you. The moments we shared have made it even harder to let go of the past and try to live a normal life without you. Despite all that, I don't want to forget you or get used to your absence because then I will have nothing to remember you by and it seems that the only things I have left of you ARE those memories. So you know what? I'm just going to keep waiting patiently and I'm going to convince myself that this IS the best. Cause it is. You are happy and its for you...
As I am writing this blog, i have emphasised the fact moreso than was necessary and have resorted to talking to my awesome older brother who has filled in your position while you were away(im sorry). I've been left with nothing more than my thoughts that make me sad, the photos that make me teary and songs that make me reminisce. For the duration of your absence, I've waited and waited for some hint of your return. Whether permanent or temporary.
And now, after two months of waiting for nothing, I have finally accepted it.
You aren't coming back for a while.
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