THANKYOU!!!

Dear Ate,

This post is just to say Thankyou sooo much for the clothes !! They're so pretty ^^ ANd I dont think i need ot tell you that my favourite bit was the card. You arleady knew that from the phone call :P Seriously, there was no point trying to hide the tears from chi chi or you. THATS how much there were. I am SO wearing that outfit to my next party (H). That is all. Good day to you :D

Yours Truly,
Kyleeny

15! 15!

Dear Ate,

This year was my first birthday without you. I must admit, its a weird feeling =/ Usually I wake up to "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ATE KEEN :D" but no, I woke up to... I dont even remember anymore O_o. OH thats right, my alarm and a card posted on my door from chi chi.
Despite your absence, it was pretty good. I feel so loved ^^ I came home from school with tons of birthday bags. Three of my friends baked me cupcakes for my friend (one of which got up at 5 this morning to do so), one of my other friends got me a caramel donut, and yeah, all these other things like chocolate, plushies, dvds and special treatment ;) Pretty damn good :P I brought my guitar to school today too and I got serenaded. Yeah (H)
Oh and I got REALLY sentimental cards and i cried at recess..and lunch. And when I got your text, I cried too :/ especially cause your text got to me at the same time that 168464345 others..now im just sounding bigheaded but I guess im just grateful for all this love. I seriously never thought that I was this loved =/
We went Rashays too and my phone got replaced AGAIN, cause i broke it like twice already =/ yeah..it was pretty good. still wish you were here though..would have been so much better.

Yours Truly,
Kyleen

Wedding Bells

Dear Ate,

It was Ate Krissels wedding yesterday. And I know you love weddings :P It was so pretty ^^ And the colour scheme was purple. And they had their first dance to Heaven by DJ Sammy. IT reminded me of you =/ Oh, I looked at what you said your favourite part of the wedding was. and you are sooo right, it's so sweet to see the guys face light up when his bride starts walkng down the aisle ^^ I wish i got a photo, damn =/ ah well.
Ate Krissel's dress was really pretty too. Like a really long train and stuff. It was imported from... Italy I think ? POINT IS, it was purrrrty ^^ but I was kinda irritated cause I missed out on Mel's birthday party. Lame reason I know but meh, thats the way I roll (H). It was so sad cause Ate Krissel was walking around the tables asking how everyone was and stuff, and when she got to ours it was like:
AK: Aww, if only K-Anne was here
M(mum): yeah, she wanted to be here so bad.
AK: Yeah, dont worry, hopefully she'll be here when teh baby comes.
M: When's it due?
AK: February next year, will she be here?
M: I don't know, maybe.
AK: I hope she can make it =/
I hope you can make it too. . .

Is It So Hard ?

Dear Ate,

Wow, I know EXACTLY what you mean now. I remember when you used to be the one that was..in charge of all the internet/computer maintenance and you used to get so irritated. back then I thought "my gosh, is it REALLY that hard?" Insensitive, I know. But I can SO sympathize with you now. They skipped a generation ==" Now that you're gone, you can no longer make sure the computer and internet is working fine (obviously). So who has to do it now? Not chichi (for reasons i can't really figure out) but me! My gosh, they think im a computer genius but im not >< I just read the instructions! And if I can't fix it they say "You only fix it when it's convenient for yourself" gah, as you can probably tell, not a very happy chappy =="

Yours Truly,
Kyleen

Birthday Wishes

Dear Ate,

It's your birthday today. You got my hopes up by saying you wanted to come back to Australia for your birthday. In my deluded mind, I interpreted it as you are coming back to Australia for your birthday. So much for that . . .

Anyway. You are 23 . Wow . Now, I'm not making fun of you or your age but seriously, you are almost 24. The age you were planning to get married. Again I am not teasing you or anything but seriously, time has a way of changing things. Ok enough with the depressing thoughts. This is your makeshift birthday card after all:)

Alright, dearest sister of mine (oh gosh I forgot about sister the second :O). Redo: Dearest not-here sister of mine, Happy 23rd birthday :) You know, you have accomplished so much in your life at such a young age. Your success and happiness is well deserved. Ever since I can remember, you have not only been a sister. And I know that sounds cliched but seriously, you never were what people would call a "normal" sister.

Sure there's the fact that you break out into random song and dance (which, I must say I have also inherited after years of withdrawal...), the way you were so amazed by easy off bam, your abnormal obsession with your car and the way, sometimes, YOU'RE the baby sister and i'm the one looking after you. That bit isn't even why i'd say you were different (although it would make a hell of a lot of sense:P).

No, the things that make you so much more than a sister is because the relationship we have isnt one that is common. Yeah, you get the occasional close sisterly bonding thing going on. But with you and Kathleeny, it's not only there when we're in the mood for fun and games. You have been the best Ate that I've heard of. Not only are you fun to be with, but you are a caring, generous person. No matter what, you have always been prepared to sacrifice your comfort, happiness and general well being to please your family.

Yeah, we have fought like every pair of females driven by hormones confined to live under the same roof do, but I want you to know that I have cherished every moment I have spent with you. Your charisma, confidence and contagious happiness can be seen in the way you smile, the way you talk and even the way you hold yourself. You are a really loving, family based girl who deserves every single blessing you get.

To be completely honest, your success and talent makes me want to strive for a better future because I know that you have always had faith in me and the first thing I was taught, was taught by you. You have had such a great impact on my life and I hope you know that every noteworthy academic achievement I receive, it has always been you I've wanted to please. You know, from your 21st birthday, that I have always tried to seek praise from you, hoping that it means I am finally becoming as good as you. I compare myself to you, trying to see wher I can improve and what else it takes to be a good person.

I think we both finally realised how much you meant to me when you had to leave. I really don't thin kit's necessary to elaborate but I just wanted to tel lyou, that even thought its been 4 months and 13days, I have not missed you any less. Gotten used to it maybe but definitely not more content with your absence. It's all for your benefit though so I hope that you everything you hoped this change would bring happens and that everything turns out for the best because you really really deserve it. God bless Ate, Love you sooo much. Never ever change because you are absolutely perfect the way you are

Yours Truly,
Kyleen

Doesn't It Hit So Close To Home?

Dear Ate,

You called the other day. This might sound like a pointless bit of information but I do have a point. The question is, am I getting to it? (sound familiar? It should). YOu know what happened in that phone call. On your side anyway. This is what was happening on my side. OMgsh I just spent a whole minute trying to think of a way to cue the name change because usualy I use the first letter of the person's name but we're both K! THen I thought "hmm I'll just use initials but we have the same of THAT TOO!!! (ibviously:P) SO I finally decided:
kat: Sorry but I have to go finish shopping. I'll call ou another day ok?
ME (That's right, I get CAPCAPCAPS!!): It's ok. Bye then
kat: I love you
ME: Love you too
Yes, that's all fins and dandy but what you didn't notice - what you couldn't POSSIBLY have guessed - was that by the end of the conversation, it took all my self control to hold in the tears that were beginning to break through their bubble of safety. The moment I hung up however, the tears began to fall. Why? Because I realised that some of the things you said in that conversation had a lot more meaning than I think you intended.
So what brought this random burst of sensitivity you ask? Well I watched My Sister's KEeper on Sunday and it hit way too close to home. But I guess that watching it makes me feel like the biggest whinger because I'm not as bad off as I have a right to complain about. Love you lots!

Yours Truly,
Kyleen

Correction of the Lyrics That Give False Hope

I am was listening to Lucky and you know, its THAT song but there are so many things I could say to each line.

Do you hear me, No I don't, you're too far away
I'm talking to you
Across the waters, across the deep blue ocean
No matter what you say, there's still
Under the open sky entire oceans between us

OH my, baby Im trying
Sometimes, trying isnt good enough
to get what you want

Boy I hear you, You're lying.

In my dreams They're not there with you though are they?

I feel you whisper, across the sea Stop fooling yourself
Keep you with me
In my heart Yes, I do constantly think about youbut
You make it easier I think it makes life HARDER. You're
When life gets hard gone. T H A T S T H A T

(Chorus)

They dont know how long it takes Of coure they dont
waiting for a love like this They have no idea what it's like.
everytime we say goodbye the LAST time we said goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss I wish we didnt have to.
I'll wait for you I don't have much of a choice
I promise you There's no need for promises
I will

(Chorus)

And so im sailing Man, I wish I was
through the sea
To an Island Where we'll meet Again, this is nothing more than a wish
You hear the music feel the air
I put a flower in your hair Okay, this is the bit that gets weird. No I will NOT be giving you flower

And though the breeze is
through the trees,
You move so pretty
you're all I see
As the world keeps
Spinning 'round
You hold me here right here right now

Okay, this entire verse does NOT apply to you

Point is, as much as you we love this song, it's pretty depressing. Yes it's sweet and stuff but it reminds me way too much of you and it gives false hope. They got to see each other agian and had their fairytale ending. but when do we get our family-equivalent fairytale? (trying to sound as unincest as possible here:P) Answer? No one knows. This song about reunions and whatnot, just makes me feel worse ebcause there's a hell of a lolt of time to kill before I get that...